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[20 Feb 2006|10:12pm] |
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we have to escape
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[17 Feb 2006|01:56pm] |
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my mind is preoccupied with the wrong things...i'm tempted to get an early start on tonight's drinking to chill the fuck out
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[11 Feb 2006|12:29pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
] |
that's a lie...i miss you...there was a possibility, i dunno if will be oppurtune again tho but i need you
300 bucks worth of alcohol and blazing all day...sweet ass
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[13 Jan 2006|07:15pm] |
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and yeah...i miss you
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[13 Jan 2006|07:01pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
] |
| [ |
music |
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road to zion |
] |
going to the hockey game then party at deke tonight...asked dougie to go to the hockey game...he gave a familiar unenthusiasm...but i guess he doesn't like hockey...he doesn't seem to like much tho, ever...hes going with keenan tho cuase i guess keenan is "making" him go...i'm waiting for cap to call me after her date to head up there and i guess he already left for there...he said hes not staying that long so i doubt ill see him there...much less be near him...
"i'm not staying there long but you can call me when you get there i guess"... that would sound so much better without the "i guess"...at least i dont have to be a bother staying over there saturday night since corinne's siblings arent coming up nemore...but im supposed to stay with him tonight since she has a recruit up...he's might hang out with these girls from high school that are up visiting some girl here that he went to high school with...hes like "yeahh i kno ill probably get some call to go over there" sounding like unenthusastic about it...but like its funny how he doesnt turn them down but he never had a prob doing that with me...
im being picky, and bitchy...i know...and im feeling bad for myself...just being stupid...but it feels good to bitch somewhere...and now i can at least realize that i'm being dumb and approach him with a smile and hope to get one back
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| hm |
[11 Jan 2006|11:48pm] |
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mood |
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 grateful |
] |
good day, good night...
dougie asked me just to chill with him at his house...it was sweet...ha we just sat around and did nothing...i loved every minute of it...and then i stopped by after an event at tri delt since its right next to td chi...just for like a half hour...its nice to be able to do that...and he seems happy... hopefully everything will be okay
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[11 Jan 2006|10:06am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
so last night dougie went to go see a movie with some of his friends... i mentioned that he could stop by later if he wanted to or if he was bored after the movie...i couldnt help it, i've missed him...but i also said no biggie if he can't cause it's late and he's tired and been through a lot lately...so he didn't...i dunno what happened to him tho cause he said he'd let me know at least and he didn't...but he did text me when he was on his way back saying the movie was weird and he was stopping at taco bell and had a little work to do before bed...so i guess that meant he was in for the night, obviously...then when i sent a text a little after that asking if he was still up he didn't reply...he probably passed out...lotta work to catch up on and stuff im sure...i kinda hope i see him today...its weird i don't know how to judge with him how much is like too much spending time with each other or something...it makes me upset to think about, cause thats just never been an issue before... it just feels so much better to have someone that needs you and seems to want you around a lot...ne way i've got to try and change for him too...i have a lot of work to do to keep my mind off of it neway...this seems crazy that all im probably gonna talk about in these things are dougie...but i need to do this to be able to practice saying kinda how i feel about things to him...cause i always just lose the words when i try to explain...i hope for the best though...i hope we can do this
on the other hand dealing with what i left at home...we're not really talking that much...i dunno, i feel like if i just stopped trying...then we wouldn't have any kind of relationship anymore...that he would just let it go and say we grew apart...one part of me just thinks if he's just gonna let ne kind of friendshisp we have go then its not worth it...but the other part of me knows that it just doesn't seem worth it to lose him...and i am sorry...just he didn't want things ne way...i miss him tho sooo much... but at the same time...same kind of theme with dougie...doesnt seem to like be an effort like i'm that important neway
played chess with vish last night at like 2 in the morning which was nice...and hung around with ben... its kinda hard to spend time with these guys when i wantd to see dougie...it just starts to seem like neone else but my boyfriend would be happy to spend time with me just hanging out...its not a hassle with ne one else, guy or girl...and i don't feel hesitance or dread of them saying no because i know they genuinely enjoy spending time with me...that's the hardest part of all this...sometimes i wonder if missing being with dougie isn't enough or worth it...and we just have far too much of a difference in feelings...i hope he cares as much as i hope he does...
alrite...a lot of work to do today...if i can do well then i can go out tonight...maybe see dougie???
peace
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[11 Jan 2006|09:22am] |
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some things will never change
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| well hello |
[10 Jan 2006|06:50pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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taking back sunday |
] |
its been a pretty long time...but considering mad people never look at this nemore, its a dece place to write
so i guess my biggest issue right now is dougie...we just got back together last night and we're going to try to do better...but now i'm like even afraid to ask him to do something...i'm afraid that he'll just say yes because he knows that us not ever seeing each other was the reason i broke up with him before...but then i don't want to not ask him and make him have to do all the effort...i gotta be patient right now i know...neway because we both have a lot of work to do this week, i mean he missed the first week of classes... but now that we haven't seen each other in awhile i just want to see him again so bad...but after 8 months of when we went out, i still haven't lost that scared feeling of asking him to do something...that dread that he'll just be so unenthusiastic about it or just plain say "no not really"...i dont think i can bear hearing that right now after what we just had...then that just takes so much of my hope away that this can work...i hope it can...i feel like i'm in like 8th grade wishing he'd call me or something...he just always seems happier and more talkative when he wants me back...of course i think way too much on these things...i guess that feels a little better...i have so much shit to do...
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| yeah |
[20 Jan 2004|07:07am] |
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same old thing...yeah i dunno about this ne more
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| hmmm... |
[26 Dec 2003|01:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 energetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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hoobastank...we have to escapeee |
] |
practice today was long and hard...but yesterday was the best christmas :)
i went to the Y today and biked for 25 mins and then lifted my legs...cept for i didnt do the leg press casue people sucka dn there was a wicked line for it...going to see a movie tonight and shopping...im gonan either buy a dvd player im thinking...orrr something else
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| back |
[25 Dec 2003|01:23am] |
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mood |
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sad |
] |
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music |
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dashboard-best deceptions |
] |
i guess...merry christmas
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[01 Nov 2003|09:01pm] |
so here i am
dont know how to say this
only thing i know, is awkward silence
your eyelids close
when your around me
to shine me out
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| Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song) |
[28 Dec 2002|09:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Incubus |
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I'm home alone tonight.
Full moon illuminates my room, and sends my mind aflight.
I think I was dreaming up some thought that were seemingly possible...with you.
So I call you on the tin can phone.
We rendezvous at a quarter-two, and make sure we're alone.
I may have found a way for you and I to finally fly free.
When we get there, we're gonna go so far away.
Making sure to laugh; while we experience anti-gravity.
For years, I kept it to myself.
Now potentialities are abound, and sleeping under my shelf.
Simply choose your destination from the diamond canopy, and we'll be there.
So I call you on the tin can phone.
We rendezvous at quarter-two, and make sure alone.
I may have found the way for you and I to finally be free
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| god damn |
[18 Nov 2002|06:50am] |
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mood |
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crazy |
] |
i lost my watch
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| blah? |
[29 Oct 2002|06:41am] |
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omg its freezing...just woke up, and i feel nakes without a necklace...i need a small silver chain to fix my neckalce ive been wearing for the last 4 years...my temporary replacement one broke too...god damn son of a bitch...somteimes things are just frustrating...but i called steph and shes bringing me a sell neckalce...heh nice THANX STEPH
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| haha |
[11 Oct 2002|11:37pm] |
nothing beats talking about fruit:
Asd9168 [11:29 PM]: but yeah oranges are great...however the best fruits are plums
Matt4prat [11:30 PM]: hmmmm, they're good but oranges are better
Asd9168 [11:30 PM]: haha i had a debate with myself over that for awhile actually
Matt4prat [11:30 PM]: haha
Asd9168 [11:30 PM]: well if their seedless their wicked good
Matt4prat [11:30 PM]: yes true
Asd9168 [11:31 PM]: i hate when they have seeds
Asd9168 [11:31 PM]: theyre too much effort to eat
Matt4prat [11:32 PM]: cuz you eat them on accident
Asd9168 [11:32 PM]: exactly
Matt4prat [11:32 PM]: haha, yea but plums have that one big seed
Matt4prat [11:32 PM]: that you brake your tooth on
Asd9168 [11:32 PM]: haha true true
Asd9168 [11:32 PM]: but its worth it
Asd9168 [11:32 PM]: especially the just ripe plums
Asd9168 [11:32 PM]: or the ones that are lighter colored...theyre sweeter
Matt4prat [11:33 PM]: haha, yea, i know what you mean
Asd9168 [11:33 PM]: grapes are wicked good tho
Asd9168 [11:33 PM]: addicting
Matt4prat [11:34 PM]: yea, you keep on eating them
Asd9168 [11:34 PM]: yup
Matt4prat [11:35 PM]: yuummmy
Asd9168 [11:35 PM]: lol
Asd9168 [11:35 PM]: haha i love fruit
Matt4prat [11:35 PM]: i love food
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| hmmm |
[01 Oct 2002|02:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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uncomfortable |
] |
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music |
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blah |
] |
i dunno?
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[02 Sep 2002|06:36pm] |
school tomorow...
...please god don't let me get mongiat
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| my motto |
[27 Aug 2002|06:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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filter |
] |
Sleep is just a substitute for insufficient caffine.
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